God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
