i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
