...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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