I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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