it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
