im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
