Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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