Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
