i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
