Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
