My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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