The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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