Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
