Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
