I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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