I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
