She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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