he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
