it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
