boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
