So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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