I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
