How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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