You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
This girl is more easily done than said...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
