For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
