textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
