Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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