I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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