I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
