Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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