i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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