guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
