You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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