stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
