i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
