Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
