so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
