You're my little dorito
barbara walters just said penis...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
