the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
