I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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