somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
