Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
