How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
