I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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