I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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