dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
