I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
