I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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