he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
