so explain again why im purple
no
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
