WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Come on in and take your pants off
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