shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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