Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
