hotel room ftw
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
