why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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