remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
