im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
