The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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