I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
